What’s worse is that I look at photographs of myself from when I was twelve and even though I know that I was extremely underweight from you know, not eating very much, I am sometimes sickeningly envious of my figure then.
I think all the effects of that still linger, especially because I still have quite a restrictive diet - it’s like deeply uncomfortable when people bring it up in public about how ‘strange’ and ‘weird’ it is or point out how I eat, when I get very self-conscious eating in front of people and I try not to make a big deal about when I cannot eat something (like if I’m at someone’s house and they’re serving something I can’t eat, I will either a) have the parts of it that I can, or b) say that I’m not hungry and eat later) so it’s really horrible to make it a topic of conversation when I’m trying really hard to not make it an issue.
