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I'm known as Shane to most people, which is a horrible nickname that involuntarily stuck and slowly grew on me, but my name is really Shayane. I have lived in London for my entire life, which means I'm accustomed to scowling on public transport and extremely fluctuating weather. I like pretending to be one of Sofia Coppola's heroines and reading as many wonderful works of literature as I possibly can - I think I'm slightly out of touch with reality. I sound awfully dreary considering my generic obsession with Sylvia Plath and the fact that I'm hopelessly in love with Humphrey Bogart - however, you'll soon learn it's impossible to consider me as seriously as I do as I frequently wish I'm Blair Waldorf and talk incessantly about the Libertines.

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JANET SNAKEHOLE

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